I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
