just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
