If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
