he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
