What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
