my phone needs a breathalizer
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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