I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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