If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
