If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize