I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
