I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
