my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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