nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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