I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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