quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
