____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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