I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
where am i from again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
