We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
