Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My life is pants optional.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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