I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
