Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize