biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize