Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
