So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
