Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
