The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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