Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
