..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
