I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
