I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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