At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
