i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
