Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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