No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
