I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
