My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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