You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
