We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
