and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize