she was so not down for the gang bang
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
