Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love having hate sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
