Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
