The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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