hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
