Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
