Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
