Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there is puke in my bra ... again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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