i already hear my dad disowning me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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