They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
