Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
did i just pee glitter
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
