how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
