My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
