I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
