dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
