He had one of those small greek statue penises
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
