He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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