i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
