I heard we made out
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
being pregnant is like rehab
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
