saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My liver just broke up with me...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
