You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
