Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
