Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
