Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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