If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
