are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
