you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
