he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
