I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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