3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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