i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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