drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
a search helicopter?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize