the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
